Pregnancy Weight

So, yeah, this is that post--the one where you complain about the fact that your body doesn't want to go back to what is was before the baby came. Not that it was that great before, but it wasn't worse. Now it's worse.

There was really nothing throughout my pregnancy that I wouldn't put up with for my little girl. Indigestion, back aches, breathlessness, all of this was fine with me because my little girl was being formed in my womb. I even love my stretch marks. Maybe I'm weird, but I didn't get all worked up about putting cream on them to keep them away because I wouldn't mind having them and I don't. They show the evidence of my pregnancy--my glory marks! But the whole pregnancy weight thing has taken me by surprise.

Yes, I don't mind that I gained the weight for my sweet Alexis. What I didn't expect was all the emotion I'd have to deal with because of the weight. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 31:30: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." I've never been too into make-up and fashion, mainly because that isn't what God looks at and if my life is about what God cares about then I'm not going to obsess over my looks. I take care of myself, I use a little make-up here and there, but it's not a passion of mine. Then why is it that this weight issue has me so upset?

They say you should lose the weight in about six months. Well, Alexis is almost seven months old and my body is still hanging on to that last ten pounds. I feel guilty. Every bite I put in my mouth seems like a death sentence. I don't go near a scale. I hate that I don't have the time to exercise enough. And I worry that people are looking at me and thinking how ugly I am. When you're pregnant, everyone expects you to grow big. Afterward, it's like they think if you don't shrink down to a size 2, something is wrong with you.

Lord, why do I feel this way? Why can't I just trust that what you think matters? Why does the way people think of my body bother me? Help me! I'm drowning in my own loss of self-worth!