So this is my made up word for "mom competition." Before I had Alexis I was fairly unaware of the breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding debate, the homeschool versus public school versus private school debate, the organic versus non-organic debate, the judging children by others' children, etc. There are many opinions out there, but also lots of vitriol. Why do moms feel compelled to do this?
I've read in some forums online and in a couple magazines a phrase that has come up again and again and is starting to rankle me. The first time I blew it off, but now I'm annoyed: "Boys are easier than girls." Perhaps this is true depending on your POV and how you define easy. I know some people who have boys who would not say this. But, that's not my point. When this phrase is used, or at least in every instance I have seen it in so far, it is in the context that having a boy is better than having a girl. It's the mompetition again. It seems to me that this phrase is used for one of two reasons: 1) So that a mother who has a boy can convince herself that she's enjoying it or 2) So that a mother who wanted a girl can claim she really didn't. The problem is, the phrase is also a slam on those of us who have girls, as if the author or writer is saying, "Sorry you had a girl. Boys are so much better. You are so unlucky."
Here's my beef: Aren't all children a gift from the Lord? Boy or girl, aren't they all a blessing? Isn't it okay for a mother to have either? When I got pregnant, I didn't care either way, boy or girl. Whoever this child would be I would love him or her. Now that I have Alexis, I do love her and I'm perfectly happy with my girl. I haven't found having a girl a large burden. Maybe teen years will be tough. I went nutty as a teen, too. But my mom and I have an awesome, close relationship. Oh, and my brother and mom also have a close relationship. Hum, might it just be that whether boy or girl, we can enjoy our children?
My guess is that there are easy girls and easy boys and difficult girls and difficult boys. So let's stop the mompetition. Instead of saying that one sex is better than another, let's just encourage each mom to appreciate and love the child God has given her.
Mommy and Her Girls
About this blog
This is my blog to share about anything and everything mommy! Feel free to enjoy following me on my mommy journey and to comment, encourage and pray as you feel led along the way.
About Me
- Carissa
- I have been married for thirteen years and I am the mother of two daughters. I'm taking a break from being a teacher at a Christian school to be a stay-at-home mom. Most importantly, I'm a dedicated Follower of Christ.
3 comments:
Huzzah!! Thanks for speaking up XD
Honestly, I think there would be a lot less "mompetition" if Mom's weren't so insecure about their abilities. I honestly think it's a lot of "Hey! My kid is better than yours at something, or my way is OBVIOUSLY better than what you're doing, so I'm going to rub it in to alleviate the insecurity I feel today especially after Johnny wrote on the cat". Do mom's do this consciously? I seriously doubt it for most of us. But it seems to be a common method as many of us at one time or another find ourselves in the ratrace of "who is raising our kid the best" ... or at the very least, trying to lift ourselves out of the bottom of the pit when we feel we are the worst.
But I think you have nailed it here. Our job is not to be the best mother in the world (I think Mary cinched that title a few thousand years ago, so quit trying), but to be the mother than God designed US to be for the children He has given to us. He has given us beautiful little blessings, and we should busy ourselves with praising Him for the job He did.
And yes, I can say such atrocious accusations for one simple reason: I have been victim of doing this very thing (minus the cat part ... Alex's form of torture is not writing on them.)
Just my 2 cents....
Good point about Mary! And great insight!
You're right that boys are not easier than girls. They're just different. That said, I believe that the temperament of the child is what makes the kid easier/harder, not the gender. Laura is a challenge, because she's exceptionally strong-willed (even Dobson's book says she is!). Thus far, Creed has exhibited signs of being strong-willed, but not nearly as much as she is. That is what makes him easier, not that he's a boy. Oh, and my better meds this time around! ;)
What I've found is that Baby #2 is easier regardless of gender. Since you're not overwhelmed with "What in the sweet corn of Texas am I supposed to do?!" you actually have more confidence and can enjoy Baby #2 more easily than Baby #1.
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