Are You Speaking the Word to Your Child's Heart?

Finished reading Heartfelt Discipline and I HIGHLY recommend it.  If you want to discover how your parenting can reflect God, this book definitely is the place to go.  I wanted to share another great quote from the book:

"God makes His will known to us primarily through words, so it makes sense that biblical discipline relies heavily on loving correction that is communicated in words.  A parent's verbal instruction is meant to turn a child away from sin and towards righteousness.  If a hidden camera followed some Christian parents around all day, however, a viewer might be tempted to conclude that verbal discipline means yelling, pleading, cajoling, and shaming a child into submission and obedience, but that's not a biblical picture.  Correction doesn't stop with telling children what they have done wrong and what not to do in the future.  Corrective discipline involves speaking the Word of God into a child's heart.  God's truth, communicated in words, provides the corrective discipline, not a parent's high-volume rebuke."

One of my favorite verses about children is this one: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).  I like it because it is direct on what a father (or mother) should be doing in a very straightforward phrase.  Parents should be 1) not frustrating their children and 2) Training and instructing them in God and His ways.  There is a connection between the two concepts.  If we are training and instructing our children in God's way, then we also won't be frustrating them.  God's way is not the way of frustration, exasperation and anger.

I thought Clay Clarkson's quote from the book related to this verse I like so well.  Our words as parents should always reflect God's Word and speak right into the heart of a child.  A parent whose words reflect anger, pain and hurt can sting a child's heart for years to come.  Verbal discipline is meant to turn our children away from sin, not toward it.  A parent whose words work to exasperate his child will often find himself turning a child away from God and towards sin.  I have seen examples of this in two ways.  Sometimes a child acts correctly when in the presence of the parent to avoid the anger of the parent, then sins when out of sight of the parent or the child grows up looking the paragon of virtue on the outside and then the inside is revealed when the child leaves the parent's home and pursues a life of sin.  A harsh speaking parent is not one whose words are truly respected by a child.

What the book helped me to think about was not only how I talk to Alexis, but how I need to speak God's word to her, how I can help her see her behavior as part of a bigger picture.  If my desire is to turn her from sin and to righteousness, then I must include God's word as part of my discipline picture.  I must help her learn from God.  It is God that should direct her behavior, not my own parental ideals.  And when I speak God's Word, it is not to be spoken harshly with intimidation or shame.  God's Word is designed to bring life and positive change.  I must speak in such a way that honors this truth about God's Word in the life of my child.

I see two main obstacles that stop Christian parents from speaking God's word to their children: 1) They don't know scripture and 2) Speaking God's Word takes time.  If we want to parent God's way, we have to guard against these obstacles.  A Christian parent must be in the Word of God.  Christian parents should search the scriptures first, not their help books, when dealing with a problem in a child.  A Christian parent should share God's specific truth regarding the issue the child is facing.  Second, a Christian parent must not allow the busyness of life to hinder God's truth from the heart of his child.  Searching God's Word with your child will take time and effort.  This effort is not a waste and far more important than soccer games, academic leagues and a parent's own hobbies.  Time must be guarded to allow your child to know the Word of God.

I'm not a perfect parent.  I've yelled.  I've begged.  I hope I haven't done it too often.  But now I have a new direction, a new motivation: to take the time to make sure God's Word and my child are well acquainted as I raise her in the Lord.