Please, Don't Scare New Parents!

I read this post today and it resonated completely with me.  You might want to take a moment to read it, then come back to my post....Okay, so the post is about how new parents (and even ones several years in) are subjected to the "Just wait..."s of other parents.  And those "just waits" only serve to make parents feel anxiety over the future.

When I was pregnant with Alexis I had a mother with a three year old daughter ask me what gender I was having.  When I told her I was having a girl, she said, "Oh great," without a hint of what the word truly means, "Girls have so much drama."  Then she went on to tell me how awful it was having a girl.  What makes this even more annoying and puzzling is that she claimed to love her little girl and sometimes acted like it.  I got another comment from someone else along similar lines and I kept reading posts of women having boys saying, "Oh, boys are so much easier than girls" as if having a girl was a curse God planted on unfortunate women doomed to have girls.  As a pregnant mom, I was overwhelmed.  I finally went to a co-worker of mine who has a girl and told her, "You seem like you like having a girl."  I told her what I had heard and she vehemently disagreed.  She and her daughter have a great relationship.  Despite the negativity I was getting, she assured me that even though there would be challenges, I could look at the future positively.

After Alexis was born, the "just waits" showed up.  "Just wait until she can walk..."  "Just wait until she's two..." And now that she is two, "Just wait until she'd three..."  My goodness, people!  Give it a rest!  Every time someone has given me a just wait, I have found that when I get there, it isn't as bad as they made out.  I know some of them really may have gone through absolutely horrible times; I don't doubt that.  What I hate is that instead of encouragement, these parents choose to make other parents feel bad.

Why do people feel the need to crush your life with your child?  I don't think they intend to, but by voicing their own frustration with a particular phase of their child's development, they do so in such a way that speaks to the awful time you are bound to have.  Kind of like the bully that takes out his terrible home life on other children.  He feels better knowing others feel as bad as he.  Maybe these parents feel better knowing others will feel bad, too?  How sad.

So how should I talk to new parents?  I don't think it is wrong to prepare parents for challenges.  But maybe we could say it differently than making it sound like they are falling into a deep, dark hole of despair for eighteen plus years.  How about saying, "Children will bring you such joy.  When they hug you, kiss you, say the cutest things, they are such a joy.  Yes, there will be days they don't behave and days you are tried and stressed.  But really, you will get through it.  And I'll even be there for you.  If ever you feel overwhelmed, call me.  I'll pray with you!  God will be with you through both good and hard times."  Doesn't that sound more honest and encouraging?

So, please, don't scare new parents.  Bring them joy and blessing and encouragement instead.  They will thank you one day!