This is a topic I almost didn't dare write about. It's so full of emotion on both sides that it is hard to approach the subject objectively. I don't write this to call into question anyone's way of disciplining his or her child. I only write it because I was thinking about it and had to get my own view out there.
I am not a supporter of corporal punishment. I have never said this to anyone outside of my husband because running in Christian circles, I find most people adamant that it's the way to go. The Bible says it, doesn't it, so if you don't discipline with corporal punishment it's against the Bible. I totally disagree with this. I don't believe the Bible endorses one way of raising a child over another. Actually, it says precious little in this area except to bring your children up in the way of the Lord. The specifics are left up to the parents. In fact, while reading a book by George Barna for our small group (Revolutionary Parenting), I found it enlightening that he wrote that in his group's study of families that raised godly children, the families did not have a consistent way of discipline. Some used corporal punishment, some didn't. So corporal punishment isn't the deciding factor in the formation of a godly child and adult.
Why am I not a supporter of corporal punishment? It didn't work well on me. Now, I don't blame anyone for how I was raised. I have the most honorable, godly parents and I adore them. It was my own personality. For years, I struggled with my worth as a person. So when I felt guilty or worthless, I thought that pain was the answer. If I just hurt myself, that means I feel bad, right, and God will accept me now? This began several years of self-injury in my life (this is a VERY personal topic for me. I don't mind discussing if anyone wants to, but I'd rather not pour out that story on a blog). To this day, any scene in a movie or on TV where a child is punished with corporal discipline calls up feelings of fear and guilt.
I also hate the way of talking about corporal punishment as "breaking the will of a child." I'd rather say I want to shape my child's will. God gave her a will! He didn't give it to her to have it broken out of her. He gave it to her so she would learn to use it for His glory. Her will needs to be shaped by me, not broken.
I know that corporal punishment is not the only way to discipline. It is a parent's choice how to discipline. I do not plan on using corporal punishment on Alexis. I hate sitting in Christian meetings being faced with "corporal punishment is the only way." I feel like if I say anything, I'll be raked over the coals and looked down upon for my "naivete." I am not naive. I have just been down a road others haven't traveled. Please don't throw stones at me. Just realize God has led me down a different road and I think He did that for a reason. He led me to the decision that I will raise my child without corporal punishment. And I think that's okay.
(As a side note: I had this opinion LONG before Alexis was even born. Having her didn't give me this opinion.)
Mommy and Her Girls
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This is my blog to share about anything and everything mommy! Feel free to enjoy following me on my mommy journey and to comment, encourage and pray as you feel led along the way.
About Me
- Carissa
- I have been married for thirteen years and I am the mother of two daughters. I'm taking a break from being a teacher at a Christian school to be a stay-at-home mom. Most importantly, I'm a dedicated Follower of Christ.
5 comments:
I totally see where you are coming from. I actually have battled with this same thing. When I was young I used to get hit as a child and I could never imagine doing anything to hurt my child. Now that we have children I still fight with thsi but for some of our kids this form of punishment works and for some it doesn't. To be honest with you, I rarely if ever use this, it is just too emotional for me based on my history. You are not alone and in no way is your thinking wrong. If it is wrong then I am wrong with you!
So, what it all boils down to is: Is the child well behaved?
If you have a well behaved child, then the form of discipline shouldn't be in quesion.
If you don't, then I think it's time to look at what type of discipline you are using and consider trying something else.
Not all forms of discipline work on every child. I think it's important to find what works best for your child, and use that...whatever it is.
I agree not everything works the same on each child. You have to know the child's personality. The problem with me, however, was my parents had no idea I was injuring myself. Self-injury is a very private sin. You don't want anyone to know about it. I didn't tell them for a long time. (I was injuring myself by 3rd grade to put this in age context). So my point is, they didn't know what I was doing and couldn't change to fit me.
Just another thought... good behavior doesn't equal a reformed heart. Good book: The Danger of Raising Nice Kids.
I look at it this way:
I am a very strong-willed person, and sometimes God has to be very forceful with me. We're talking, flipping over the money changer's tables and driving them out of the Temple with whips kind of forceful. What I like to call the frying pan of reality whacking me on the forehead.
Not every person is going to respond to that kind of discipline very well.
Others need to have Jesus kneel down in the dirt and scribble something before saying, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone."
Then there are the people who need Jesus to meet with them on the balcony in the dark of night to discuss why a man needs to be reborn in a calm, non-confrontational and very compassionate way.
Different people respond to God's correction in different ways. What works with me could so utterly destroy someone else that they walk away from the Lord altogether.
I believe it's the same way with children. There are those very strong-willed children who need to be spanked on occasion. There are some kids who should never, ever ever be spanked, and then there are those who fall somewhere in the middle. The challenge is to recognize which kid is yours and to tend to their needs rather than fall back on what's easiest for you as a parent.
All that said, I'm very thankful that you have so prayerfully considered what the Lord wants you to do in the way of discipline with Alexis. She will reap the fruit of your obedience! :)
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