Pet Peeve

Another prompt from Mama Kat: Name a pet peeve you have about how other parents raise their kids. Go on…stir the pot.

I could say crazy kids in the store, but I try to refrain from judging that scenario since I have no idea what a mom with kids going nuts has been through that day. There is something else that drives me even more crazy: a lack of grace and being too strict. A lack of letting kids be kids. Expecting little children to be grown up adults who think like adults. They are children and they think like children. We are supposed to train them, to teach them, not to expect that they become adults at three.

I was in a food court once and observed a situation that made me so angry. A mother had gotten food with her children and they were walking towards a table. I saw that she had given a little one, maybe 2 1/2 or 3 years old, a big cup to carry without a lid. I realized that the child didn't have the cup in balance and was struggling to carry it. Inevitably, it fell and spilled. The mother got irate, hit the child and then forced him to sit against the wall by the table and not eat. I thought, "Are you kidding me??? You expected him to carry that big cup? This is your mistake, not his, and besides, accidents happen. A spilled drink is bound to happen with a little one." Okay, I admit she may have had a bad day and was not acting at her best. But her actions certainly emphasized for me the importance of keeping your cool as a mom and of making sure you don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Let the little things go. So the drink spilled. Big deal. Have the child help you clean it up (responsibility) and then go on and enjoy a good lunch without all the drama and pain. As parents, we need to learn what is important and what is worth letting go. There are just so many things parents think matter that don't matter. Too strict parents think every situation is a dire one and micromanage their kids and flip out when things go wrong. "Chill out!" I want to say, "You and your little one will both feel happier."

As for remembering that kids are, well, kids, another time I was in a store, a woman was getting very upset with her daughter, probably around three years old. I could tell the little girl was totally tired and her whiny attitude and crying was emanating from this fact. I can't remember exactly what she did, but the mom looked at her and yelled, "Why did you do that?!" The little girl burst into tears and said, "I don't know." I thought, "What a dumb question to ask a little child." Lest parents forget, little children don't know why they do most things. Their frontal lobe is slowly developing. They often don't think through the whys at all. They act with emotions. And this is another reason they need us to help them learn to think through emotions. I had a child in preschool that just did what he felt on impulse. He was a good kid, but he needed help. I remember one time he hit a child and I picked him up. He started to fight me and kick, but I just whispered to him, "I"m just going to sit with you." He sat with me and I held him and we talked. I didn't berate or yell. This strategy worked so well that year and he grew a lot in the area of self-control.

So, there's my pet peeve and even my answer to it: Let go what's not vital, give grace to your kids and remember your kid is a kid. I promise it makes for a much nicer household (and, by the way, it goes a long way to showing your kids respect so that they learn to respect you, too. They can't give it if they don't see it).