Bottlefeeding: It's Okay!

Encouraged by this post, I decided to publish something I wrote back when Alexis was just a newbie in the world.  Read and stay tuned for the epilogue at the end :-D

I dreamed about breastfeeding my baby.  No, really.  I had an actual dream.  In it, my baby girl had just been born and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed her, but she crawled right up to my breast and latched on.  Sigh.

Okay, so it would have been nice if my real life had ended the way my dream did; but it didn’t.  I so wanted to breastfeed and had planned on doing it for a year.  I wanted my baby to get all breastfeeding’s benefits.  Unfortunately, after she was born, she had a difficult time latching on and I went through serious postpartum depression.  I was advised by my doctor that breastfeeding might not be best for me and my baby.  I had a hard time letting go of my breastfeeding dream, but go it did.  Now I’ve realized that turning to bottle feeding was a change both my baby and I needed.

So for all the moms out there who have faced similar circumstances (or even for those who have chosen bottle feeding), I know how you feel.  I’d like to offer you five pieces of advice and encouragement I have learned in my journey.

1) You have to let go of the “perfect mom.”  In my mind, I had constructed the picture of the perfect mom.  She breastfed.  For a year.  Through hurricanes, blizzards and tornadoes.  But this was an unrealistic picture, because the perfect mom doesn’t exist.  It’s so easy to decide what your life like a mom will look like before your baby is born.  The truth is you have to figure it out as you go along.  Some things that work for one mom, won’t work for you.  Flexibility needs to be the word for moms.  I have learned that I am not any less a mom for bottle feeding my baby.  I still love her and bottle feeding was the best choice for us.

2) Bottle feeding is bonding.  I thought when I stopped breastfeeding that this would somehow impair my bonding with my baby, but it hasn’t.  In fact, it has increased our bond.  When breastfeeding, the postpartum depression caused me to resent my baby every time I fed her.  I hated it and I hated that she made me do it.  This was a terrible place to live in.  With the switch to bottle feeding, all that resentment disappeared and she and I started to get to know one another.  And who says you can’t have skin to skin contact when bottle feeding?  You can still hold your baby against your bare skin with a bottle in her mouth.

3) Your child won’t be unintelligent.  There are so many statistics out there that bombard expectant moms and one of them I was convinced about was the fact that breastfeeding kids were smarter.  I thought my baby would suffer in the intelligence department.  But then I found out my mom had a similar struggle as mine when I was born.  I’ve gone to college, earned two masters degrees, taught overseas and love my teaching job now.  I watch documentaries and science shows.  I don’t consider myself unintelligent.  So I know for a fact that bottle feeding doesn’t mean my baby will be unintelligent.  What will matter far more than my feeding choice is raising her surrounded by educational experiences.

4) Your child won’t be unhealthy.  The other statistic I read said that breastfeeding babies had fewer allergies and were healthier.  So my next worry was that my baby would suffer health wise.  This fear dissipated when a friend encouraged me.  She breastfed both her boys for a year and they both have allergy problems.  She told me not to worry.  She was right.  So far, my baby’s been very healthy.  Even when she caught a small cold, all she had were a few sniffles.

5) Bottle feeding is best for your baby.  Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for bottle feeding!  Let’s face it.  If you bottle feed, you’re bound to meet at least one person (if not several) that think you made the wrong decision.  I always tell them I am so glad they could breast feed, but say bottle feeding is working just fine for us.  I needed to bottle feed to be stable and available to my baby girl.  I made the choice that opened the door to precious bonding love and steady nourishment.

Do I wish I could have breastfed?  Yes.  But I’m not and I’ve come to not only accept, but enjoy bottle feeding.  It’s taught me to let go of unrealistic expectations, be flexible, and above all, throw guilt out the window.  I’m a better person for bottle feeding.  If you’re a bottle feeding mom, I support you.  I know you love your baby.  And don’t let anyone else tell you any different.

Epilogue

My daughter is now almost two and a half years old.  She still has been remarkably healthy and she keeps making people amazed with her early command of language.  She loves books and is completely curious about everything.  Her desire for and grasp of knowledge is manifesting itself early.  Therefore, bottlefeeding did nothing to make her "unintelligent" and it hasn't doomed her to health problems.  We're still good here.  Do I still wish I could have breastfed?  It would have been nice.  But it's funny how two years down the road, none of that matters now.  I really don't care that I didn't get to breastfeed, because we have moved on from the tiny years and are enjoying the toddler years and my little ball of energy is doing great!