The Power of Sympathy

I'm still reading Heartfelt Discipline (yes, I am SLOW--Reading is tough during the school year with all the grading and lesson planning). I read the chapter on sympathy and it resonated with me. My parenting style is what I like to call "Gentle Parenting." I want to relate to Alexis in a way that is kind and encouraging, even when it gets tough. I'll admit I don't always reach my goal. I could name a million ways I have failed, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have a goal and shoot for it. So when I read the following in Heartfelt Discipline I was even more encouraged in my search for gentle parenthood:

"I want my children to expect from me the same thing I expect from my heavenly Father: Even when I feel his correcting hand, I know He will listen to me, understand me, and respond in love. I know he is aware of my weaknesses and wants to help me become more mature. In the same way, my children want to know that I understand the mix of emotions and thoughts that is swirling around in their immature minds. When my children look at my face, I want them to see not a scowling judge demanding perfect obedience, but rather a sympathetic parent who is committed to helping them grow to maturity. No matter how strong or displeasing the discipline may be, my expressions of sympathy will keep their hearts open to me. This is essential because without an openness of heart there is no real relationship."

If we want to have real relationship with our children, sympathy is a must. I was telling someone the other day that I don't view myself as walking ahead of Alexis and trying to make her fit my steps. I see myself as walking beside her. I'm saying to her in essence, "You need self-control. So do I. You need patience. So do I. You need boundaries. So do I. Let's walk this path together cause I'm not there yet, either. I might have been around the block a few more times, but I certainly haven't mastered it. I get where you're at. I understand the frustration inherent in not getting what you want when you want it. Heaven knows I've complained enough about it. So, I'll walk with you, little girl." Just even saying this to myself when Alexis is learning to mature helps me to be more gentle in my parenting and discipline. How can I berate her for stuff even I haven't gotten down? This doesn't mean permissive parenting. What it means is getting down on my little girl's level and letting her know that, no, she can't have twenty chocolate bars and, yes, I know that's hard because there are days I want twenty chocolate bars! Gentle parenting begins with realizing that I'm no better than my child, that I don't have a corner on the market in perfection. And that just helps me be all that more gentle in my words and actions when it comes to discipline.