Relive It

I'm tackling one of Mama Kat's writing prompts this week: If you could relive any moment in your life, what would you choose? I was actually thinking about something this week that I wanted to go back and relive: Alexis' first two weeks of life outside the womb.

You see, for the first two weeks after Alexis was born, I suffered from severe postpartum depression. I mean, severe. They say there is a spectrum of the way hormones affect women after birth. The spectrum, from not bad to worse, is baby blues, postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis. I never got to psychosis, but the PPD was pretty bad. I didn't get any sleep. Yes, when you have a new baby you get little sleep, but I didn't get little sleep. I literally got no sleep. My body would not shut down for two weeks straight. So, that led to hallucinations. I saw bugs everywhere. And then I also suffered from paranoia. I had overwhelming fear of so many terrible things happening.

So, because of all of the above, I missed out on Alexis' first two weeks. My wonderful hubby basically took care of me and my little girl during this time. I wish I could go back and have a sound mind. I wish I could see everything from the perspective I now have, complete and total love and joy that I have my precious girl. I'm glad the depression was caught early, I got on some meds, and everything brightened after two weeks. But I do wish I could have those two weeks again without the PPD.

Still, I realize that even though I might like to go back and relive those weeks completely healthy, I love my life today. I love being a mom. And I'm so glad I have the time I have now and I can enjoy it.