Do You Have a Good or Bad Baby?

So I don't know if I noticed this with my first daughter or if I just didn't care. But this time with our second I have been asked many times, "Is she a good baby?" Now if you are one of the many who asked me this, please know this post isn't to write against you and I am not upset at anyone. In fact, I'm not upset at all. I'm not writing to anyone personally. I am, however, questioning the convention of such a question.

It's really such a strange question. Every time I am asked it, it stumps me for a couple seconds. Mostly I am asking myself, "What does this mean?" What does "good" mean in this context? I've stumbled through an answer a couple times, just guessing. "Uh...She sleeps okay...She's eating well..She's growing...She's, I guess, being a baby." I mean, what am I supposed to answer with?

As I thought about the question, I eventually thought of mothers who might be having a challenging time with a baby. How must that mother feel when asked, "Is your baby good?" I mean, who says "no" to that? Yet, maybe that mother's baby isn't sleeping or eating well. Maybe she's struggling to breastfeed. Maybe her baby has colic and is inconsolable a lot of the time. Is this mom then to take on the burden that she has born a "bad" baby?

I really think this question has got to go. I feel it's a bit like those meaningless phrases we use when someone is grieving that don't help but are filler phrases to make us feel like we've said something. People aren't sure what to discuss in relation to a little person that basically only cries, eats, pees and poops right now. So we fall back on the convention of "Is she a good baby?"

Babies are not good or bad (for my Christian friends, I am not discussing original sin in this post). What I mean is, a baby that cries more or sleeps less or eats sparingly is not "bad." A mother has not born a "bad" baby even if her baby is struggling with basic life skills. I don't think when we ask the question we mean to imply that, but it is inherent in the question. "Is she a good baby?" implies an answer of "yes" or "no." Babies function the way God intended. They cry when hungry, wet or uncomfortable. They have to learn to sleep. They like or dislike various objects based on their little personalities. As they grow and mature physically, some get colic, some have acid reflux, some projectile vomit. But none of these make a baby "bad." A baby is a baby. Not good or bad, just a baby being a baby.

So what can we say instead? Well, be more specific. "How is she sleeping?" "How are you sleeping?" "Is she eating well?" "Do you have any struggles?" and best of all, "Can I help in any way?" Even if a mother doesn't need help you can always encourage.

So can we agree? Let's just drop the question, "Is your baby good?" and let babies be babies.