Toddler Frustration

Alexis has definitely become a toddler and one of the joys of this is listening to baby frustration throughout the day. There are times of happiness, but lots of whines and cries of frustration when she can't get something to happen and more often than not, can't communicate (or doesn't think she's communicating) what she wants. Sometimes I know she is telling me something specific and I can't figure it out and it leads to cries.

Seeing that my last post was about getting into our children's shoes, I tried to think about how Alexis must feel at this point as she tries to be independent and do things on her own. Sometimes she doesn't have the skills needed to accomplish something and sometimes she doesn't have the words. I didn't have to look far to find a place of common ground with my little girl.

When I lived in China, I really felt like a little child. I could only say a few words in Chinese. I couldn't do even daily simple things. Mailing a letter, going shopping, getting in a taxi were all difficult events. Case in point: One time my Wai Ban (a Chinese person who helps foreigners) went with me to mail a package at the local post office. While there, she got in a tiff with the mail worker and then stomped off, leaving me standing at the counter. The mail worker kept yelling at me and everyone in the post office was staring at me. I didn't know what the problem was. I couldn't understand the words and I didn't even get the mailing process. I almost burst into tears right there. Another girl from America I knew who lived in China found herself in an argument with a Chinese man on the street. She didn't know what he was saying. She said she got so upset, she pushed him up against a wall (he was not hurt). Now, I'm not saying she was right to do it (thank goodness, I never got that frustrated), but I could totally identify with her feelings.

When I think about how I felt in China, it gives me so much more patience with Alexis. I have been, as an adult, in a place where I didn't have the words, couldn't understand most of what was going on around me and wanted to cry and throw up my hands in frustration (and I did do that a lot alone in my apartment). I can imagine how frustrating it must be for Alexis when I don't understand her or when she is trying to put a block in hole she knows it goes in, but it just won't go in. I can also imagine it must be so difficult learning the rules of the house. She has no context for learning rules. This is all new and so it is bound to produce frustration.

I'm glad I can step into her shoes. I admit it, I never thought that my time in China would be preparation for raising a child, but I am glad it has been. I am grateful for the experience I had that produces in me way more patience that I would have had with my little girl.