Should My Kids Get Gifts This Christmas?

Something happens this time of year that is pretty predictable--articles and blogs pop up and are passed around that lament the commercialism of the Christmas season and question if we're encouraging entitlement in the youngest members of our society. You see this especially in the Christian sphere where parents wonder if giving in to the secular commercialism of the holiday is distracting their most precious ones from the true meaning of Christmas. Many have a desire to recapture what has been lost from Christmas, to do something to "make it right" and focus on what truly matters. At heart, I think many parents (including myself) when faced with these ideas ask themselves, "Should my kids even get gifts this Christmas? Am I cluttering up their Christmas so much they aren't getting it's about Christ?  Maybe it would be better if we just gave instead of got this Christmas. Maybe that's the answer. But then our traditions..." And so on. We exist in a tension and that tension itself pulls us away from the season as guilt wars within us.

I've thought quite a bit about these ideas over the years and this year I want to write out my response to the question and the worries. I hope this takes the pressure off for many and helps us relax and enjoy the season all the more.

I'd like to start with the origin of Christmas itself. Christmas actually has a complex past with beginnings and derivations put together from here and there. The following is a simplified history of how Christmas came to be (if you want to know more, research it. It's very interesting). Christmas is not in the Bible. That is, it is not a holiday commanded to be celebrated; the story of Jesus' birth is definitely there. Originally Christmas was a time of feasting tied to pagan winter festivals. The church of the day eventually appropriated this feasting and modified the idea to bring it into line with a celebration of Christ's birth. At the time of the Reformation, many Protestants refused to celebrate Christmas, seeing it as tied to the Catholic church, not in the Bible so inconsistent with scripture and at times a little too much feasting fun (read: drinking) going on. At the time of the Puritans, people were even fined if they were caught celebrating it. Christmas was revived in the 19th century into a time of generosity and gift-giving, encouraged by stories such as A Christmas Carol. It became an official United States holiday in 1885. Since that time various traditions have been tied to the holiday that we still celebrate today.

So how does the history of Christmas help us answer the question about gifts and commercialism? Well, first off I think we need to recognize that Christmas is a man-made holiday; it is not God-instituted. God did not tell us to celebrate it or not celebrate it. This means there are no sins inherently attached to celebrating it a certain way and no "atta boys" for celebrating it a certain way. It is a celebration and when it comes down to it, how you celebrate it is up to you. Christmas is what you make of it. Gifts or no gifts is up to you.

Alright, it's up to us how we celebrate. "But then...isn't giving my kids more gifts (I mean, they already get them on their birthdays) distracting them from what I want to focus on at Christmas--Jesus' birth? All they seem to care about are the gifts." It is interesting to me how much we worry about children getting gifts and forget that to get someone has to give. Giving gifts is part of who the very person we are concerned about is. God gives gifts...and good ones at that! Scripture mentions God's gifts often. He gave the world to man (talk about a great gift!). He gives us eternal life (Romans 6:23). He gives us our abilities (1 Corinthians 7:7). He gives us the Holy Spirit (Acts 10:45). He gives us our children (Proverbs 127:3). Let's face it. As James says, everything good is gifted from God (James 1:17). You know what that includes? Our wealth and possessions. "Furthermore, as for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, He has also empowered him to eat from them and to receive his reward and rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God" (Ecclesiastes 5:17). If God has so blessed someone with riches and wealth and he is able to eat and rejoice, that is a gift.

It is clear from scripture that God gives gifts; he lavishes them on us. He enjoys giving them to us and we rejoice in what he gives. I think we get so concerned with our children receiving gifts that we forget ourselves as the gift-givers. In giving gifts to our children we capture a small picture of what God does for us.  We reflect the image of God both in our joy of giving and in the delight of the joy of our children. Jesus says this in Matthew 7: "Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" Jesus directly compares our gift-giving to God's. He notes that if we even though we are sinners give good gifts, then God must give the best gifts of all. We can't give what God gives. We can't save another person or send the Holy Spirit or gift the world. But we can capture a reflection of God in the giving of good gifts to those around us. We do not need to feel guilty giving gifts; we need to rejoice in the ability to give that reflects our God.

"But my kids still seem to only see the gifts. They don't seem to really appreciate what they get. When someone asks them what they like best about Christmas, it's always getting stuff." When it comes to children and Christmas I ask myself a question: Why at this time of year do we decide that children need to not be children? God made children to delight in play. Of course they get excited about gifts. Excitement over receiving a gift is natural and good. We get excited over gifts, too. And they like toys because they are children. We adults who have gotten over the joy in a doll or a car or a toy horse or rocket seem to forget that children play. Especially in our day and time and place where most children are not forced to labor hours a day, play is life for children. This is what they do. It is innate inside them. Any parent who has seen a child animate an empty box knows that children naturally play. To children gifts are another avenue of play and their excitement makes complete sense. For us, gifting our children at Christmas is an opportunity to say through what we give, "I see you. I know you. I care about you." Over the year I watch my daughter explore her passions and interests. At present, she's into science, cooking, drawing, animals and story. At Christmas, I choose gifts to encourage who she is. Instead of feeling guilty, we need to remember that just like God's gifts show that he sees us and cares about us, ours do the same. I remember last year when I gave my daughter something and she shouted out, "I very wanted this! I forgot to put it on my wish list!" Mommy watched and mommy encouraged. How many times has God given us a good gift we didn't even think to ask for because he knows us and loves us?

I hope by now you know my answer to the question, "Should my kids get gifts this Christmas?" Yes, it is okay to gift your kids this Christmas. There is no reason for us to feel guilty or tense this time of year when it comes to our kids and gifts, even over those kids that don't seem to appreciate our gifts. God does not withdraw the gift of salvation because he is under appreciated. He keeps saying, "It's here. It's yours if you want it. I love you. I care about you." But I do want to mention one caveat. As good as it is giving gifts, we do live in a consumer driven society. As such, our children are definitely susceptible to living a me-driven life. As good as it is to receive gifts, it is also good to give. I do think we should encourage our children to give. My daughter is just getting this. The other day she told me she wanted to get a good friend of hers a Christmas gift and she knew exactly what she wanted to get her. It was only a small thing. But you know my initial thought? Great. Something else to buy this Christmas. Luckily, right after came the next thought. Isn't this what I want her to be doing--thinking of others and not just herself? So I said yes. I want to encourage this desire to gift others. There are many ways to get our kids involved in the joy of gift giving as well as gift receiving--shoe boxes, angel tree, soup kitchens, food pantries, their own friends. Our children need to learn to both receive and give.

My daughter will be getting gifts this Christmas and I am not going to feel guilty when the articles and blogs about how I am making her entitled pop up. Because I am not. I got gifts at Christmas and you know what my favorite thing to do at Christmas is? Give. Maybe I learned through my parents giving us gifts that giving gifts was a joy; that the light in another's eyes was worth a gift. And you know what my focus at Christmas is? Jesus Christ. Our house is decorated with Jesus everywhere. He is the center of our celebration. This Christmas, feel free to rejoice in both the gift given to you from God and the gift giving you get to do as you see the light in your children's eyes that reflects, "You see me. You know me. You care."